Friend: Hey! What are you doing now?
Me: Hey! Me? I’m headed nowhere.
Friend: Huh…. What do you mean?
Me: I’m just letting things be. Well, you know, let the right one comes when it is time. For the time being, I’ll keep myself busy preparing for any possibilities.
Some kind of conversation between my friend and I. I was supposed to pursue my papers and proposals. Unfortunately, I just lose it. I could not focus nor motivate myself since I have become unsure of what I wanted to do in life.
Pathetic and lifeless.
I have not given up entirely on my proposal, I’m just taking my time and preparing myself mentally. So you did read the title right. I’m heading nowhere. As to this moment, I’m sticking to blogging, helping my mum, reading one or two journals a day and equipping myself with general knowledge.
A few years back, I had the same exact thought as now. Back then, I had lost hope but went on for my Form Six studies (more like a pre-university study). It was the exact feeling at that time where I’m was not sure where am I headed. I was not sure whether had I made a wise decision. I continued but did not put high hopes in it.
Similarly, both now and then, it was a forlorn journey of mine. I am all alone in this journey, not knowing whether is this the ONE. Coming back to the current puzzlement, I feel that the journey I planned to embark last year definitely is a forlorn one. So much for new goals for the new. I’m conflicting with myself on which path should I pursue.
It is going back to square one, a definite one. The melancholy of my journey. Having myself dispirited, I’m wondering about my plans for the coming future. I had been binge-watching and binge eating — so much of initiating a healthy lifestyle. All I had been doing was being entirely passive.
That was some sort of situation that I’m in.
What do I learn from it?
1. Unexpected things happen in life. It could be either good or bad. It is how do we react to it. Preparing our mind mentally is important so that we do not plunge into total darkness on experiencing unexpected events in life.
2. It is lonely. Manoeuvering blindly and jumping in to try every encountered opportunity. You have got to bear with. The probability of your friends sharing the same interest and opinion as you are less likely.
3. NEVER, never ever rush into things. It could get rough if you made this mistake. Rushing into things makes the situation worse. You need to be a 100% sure before you step in anything as it is a lifelong journey. Of course, it is part of your interest, you can never do a master and a diploma simultaneously, especially being in two places at the same time. It could eat you up.
4. Remember, take timeouts. You need them, so take them to sit back and relax those stiffened muscles. Have a cup of tea with your friends or family, a little chat could bring back the colours to your face especially if you were having a tough week or day.
5. Take it slow. As everything is advancing way too fast, as a reaction to that, we too tend to feel that we need to be as fast as the bullet train. No, unless you are comfortable in that zone. Do it your way. Work at your pace and slowly increasing the speed.
Think about everything again and again for you never knew that you’ve embarked on a forlorn journey.